Life after FEAR FACTOR, KHATRON KE KHILADI

So, it's finally over - the experience, the show, the after parties, the news headlines - All. The moments that changed mine and the 12 other commoners' lives forever have passed by in a flash, took us by storm and dropped us down with the same lightening speed down to reality. All that's left are the pictures and videos from the show and I keep going back to my website to relive the experience.

The second season of Khatron Ke Khiladi - Fear Factor and I'm on it!

But the dreams and nightmares never did stop. Sundeep Khatri, Roopali Ganguli's partner from Orissa called me one morning asking how I was and talked about how life was not really the same after Fear Factor. Everywhere he went he was recognised and treated differently too (in a good way, of course) and even though within his own self he'd never remember any of it, he was constantly reminded that he was not really the same regular boy he was before September 2009 in his city and in India. But that was not it, it was also the restless thirst, the want for more, the desire to get more attention and be known even more that haunted most of us. Gurmeet Singh, who went on to win the show along with his partner Anushka Manchanda, has quit his job and after been honoured by various clubs and foundations in the city he comes from in Punjab is now considering moving to Mumbai to get work in the industry. Goonj, Carol Gracious' partner, too is now planning to shift base to Mumbai.

I loved the thrill of adventure and beautiful Cape Town

What is it about Bollywood that attracts and draws people who get a taste of it to get deeper and deeper. It's like a drug that takes the better of you and you lose all consciousness in reasoning. I can't say that I haven't been smitten too. Perhaps the consequences for me a smaller, since I am from the sin city myself and so don't have to sacrifice much to give it a shot. But that doesn't mean that life hasn't taken a new turn in my life.

Fortunately for me I've had a great time so far and met some really nice people who've been mentors, friends and guides. I had an opportunity to meet Nisha Harale, well known model, actress and socialite, at a paintball match organized by Sony Pix in which we were opponents. Somehow we really clicked and today she's one of my most trusted friend and mentor. She's an inspiration not only to me, but many others just with the way she's sustained in the industry and works so hard, and yet has a very simple and respectful family life. Her parents and sister are so warm and of course husband Adam Bedi is also very entertaining. I hadn't imagined I'd actually like someone so quickly after meeting them so recently.

There are also many others who are in here only to make a quick buck and have traps set up for all the new, unaware aspirants who come looking to make it big in the biggest B - Bollywood. I've met many such. It's sad that so many fall prey to their excellent marketing pitches and will actually do anything to give it a shot, while these characters mercilessly drain you dry of every resource you have left.

In the end, my nightmares that I had during my one month in Cape Town shooting for Fear Factor still haunt me and I wonder if they'll ever stop. The show wasn't as fearful as the nightmares that haunted most of us every night... and still continue. I guess that's exactly what Bollywood is like. The good or bad times pass by easily and fast, but the nightmares linger on forever........

FEAR FACTOR - Getting There..

August 14, 2008 - Netra Raghuraman wins Fear Factor Khatron ke Khiladi.

I remember watching that episode - the expression of joy and accomplishment on Netra's face, and saying to myself 'Wow, I can hardly imagine what it would feel like to be in her place!' All my life I was the tomboy of my clan, 'One among the guys'. I don't think there's been a single day in my life without some adventure even if it was just jumping a wall on a shortcut to school.

February 24, 2009 - I'm driving back home from the gym. It's around 10:45pm and my favourite radio show 'City City Bang Bang' is playing on the stereo. I catch on to the RJs announcement "For all those of you who missed applying for the auditions to Fear Factor, Khatron Ke Khiladi - Level 2 here's your last chance... Enter the Jump the Queue contest and get a chance to go directly to the auditions in Mumbai"

My hands fumbled around for my cell phone while all my attention was focused on the sms number to send responses to. I already had the answer to the question in my head. All I had to do was hit SEND. Phew!!! Once I'd sent it I was happy and then forgot all about it the next morning.

Two days later an unknown number flashed on my phone and the lady on the other side of the line said she was calling regarding Khatron Ke Khiladi and that I won the Jump the Queue contest and a chance to go to the Mumbai auditions!!! It was 3 days later at Andheri Sports complex. My heart raced as my mind quickly started building dreams of being on the show. Actually meeting Akshay Kumar, who I'd been a huge fan of since 1990, gave me butterflies!!

March 1, 2009 - I arrived at the venue and fortunately for me there was a separated queue for the JTQ winners; unlike the 10,000 odd others who, by the way, had to send in their applications online which were later screened and only approved ones were called for auditioning. When I saw their never ending queue though, my hopes and dreams came crashing down to the ground and more so when I learnt that they were auditioning in 5 other cities too! The vast majority of applicants that surrounded me were struggling Bollywood aspirants with some 100 odd auditioning experiences and this was my FIRST! No way was there a chance for me among the 25,000 people they were seeing for the final 13 to be on the show.

My wait was around an hour, and then it was my turn - I walked into the room and was asked to wait in standby as the judges discussed the previous applicant. It was Netra herself and a very handsome, tall, well-built guy who I didn't recognize. The butterflies came flooding back into my stomach as I walked to my spot in front of the camera and the excitement was now back! I guess I was just myself again - I gave the audition my best and let them know just how I was perfect for the show with all my varied experiences. It was somewhere during the audition that I realised that I'd been in that room for much longer than most others and then I knew they liked me and I had only a few seconds to convince them that I was right, and so I calmed my nerves and went for it! When Arjun, the male judge (who I knew later was the director of the show), asked me to do a physical strength test to check if I really was as strong as they needed, that's when I knew I'd nail it; that's what I've always been the most proud of - my fitness and strength! When I was done Netra clapped and cheered and so did Arjun, he was pleased. I left with a smile and with higher hopes of making it through.

March 7, 2009 - It was holi and I was home (expecting the call). It finally came in around 4 in the evening - I was shortlisted for the 2nd audition which would decide who the final 13 all-India were. I can remember being speechless and even stammering, even wondering if it was a prank of sorts. This audition, they said, was a 3-day camp where we'd be checked by various tasks like driving, swimming, bike riding, etc. along with medical texts and fitness checks.

March 13-15, 2009 - 20 finalists met at Hotel Oritel in Andheri, Mumbai. They were from all over the country - 17 guys and 3 girls. 'This is going to be tough,' I told myself since we were already the top choices. In the 3 days that we spent getting through the various tests and tasks we also got to know each other and some even became good friends. But after all, we were there to be on the show and everyone knew this - no one lost focus. Most performed all the tasks well, except for a couple and now the anxiety was building to hear the results. Of course, we downed a few pints of beer at the end of the 3-day camp to ease our nerves, but the 17th was going to be our big day.

March 17, 2009 - After getting through the longest two days perhaps (after the wait for my SSC results), the call came in at around 5pm - I was going to CAPE TOWN in 11 days!!!!! I learned shortly that I was the only girl who got through too, doubling my excitement. The days until the 28th just flew past as each of us ran around buying clothes and preparing for our BIG TRIP to South Africa and AKSHAY KUMAR and (the guys of course couldn't stop dreaming about) the 13 haseenas :)

My story in short - Upar waala jab bhi detha hai, Chappar phar kar detha hai!!!

March 28, 2009 - 13 super-rocking stars (Ali, Alok, Arjun, Fahad, Goonj, Gurmeet, Jatin, Prashant, Sandeep, Sandhan, Sundeep, Swapnesh and JANICE) leave to Cape Town along with the 13 haseenas and THE KHILADI himself! The rest is history.

Watch the episodes online on desiforum.com

Shoot me - I'm single!

In a city where the average person spends more than 18 hours a day working (either at the office, or home) it's increasingly obvious why more and more people today are single. Most don't find the time to date, those that do can't balance it, and those that can juggle all of it, often can't find the confidence to commit to married life yet. Quite understandable. However, there's also the other side, where those who aren't troubled from either of these situations but 'choose' to be single either for a definite or indefinite period of time. Now, this may be something that the average Indian does not understand.

A close girlfriend of mine, who's currently 34, happily single and has a healthy dating and social life too shared with me a horrifying experience she had at a family function recently. She was there with her family and some friends of the family (all of who were married and with kids). While the topic of discussion turned from movies to shopping to vacations, it finally (as always) ended up at "so when are you tying the knot?" She couldn't believe that all these people who've asked her this very same question in other forums needed her response yet again. And like always, she wasn't going to lose her cool nor ignore the question. But she did understand one thing - while she was quite content with her life and decision, people around her would never want her to be. "It's perhaps envy for my freedom, inability to comprehend how I can be content, curiosity... I don't know what! But, their words are like venom when they're out to get you"

I'm not sure if she's right. Experiences like this and those of my own convince me that there truly is no place for the single woman in Indian society. Even those who claim to be modern in their thinking or from the so-called forward thinking strata have their awkwardness when it comes to the independent woman. Even as the nation fights for Rights for Women and Women’s liberation there will be enemies of women if they aren’t traditionally simple and predictable. And more often than not – A woman is a woman’s worst enemy!

Picture this situation: A couple is out on an evening, they decide to stop by at a bar for a drink. At that very bar is sitting a pretty young lady just making conversation with the bar tender having a glass of wine. While she’s at it, she glances around the room - to look for familiar faces; waiting for someone, enjoying the crowd – who knows. The guy in the couple checks her out and wonders “hmm... I wonder what she’s doing here all by herself. Maybe waiting for someone, maybe a regular, maybe stood up, maybe a hooker.” The girl in the couple catches his eye, notices the girl at the bar and thinks, “Slut! Only a slut would be here all by herself!” Now all energy for the evening is spent in ensuring that ‘the slut’ doesn’t get any attention from her guy. She may even pass an appalling remark to voice her opinion on the ‘single woman at the bar’.

This isn’t pure fiction. I completely relate to this situation. Here’s what happened to me – this will be shocking for many to read; but it’s true. My car, parked in its usual spot outside my building, is covered with red-oxide paint drops one day and after inspecting I learn that the shop keeper (who has his shop there since three years now) has recently fitted a grill and had it painted. So I go over and ask him why he didn’t ask me to move the car if he knew it was going to be covered with the paint. The shop keeper was really rude and unconcerned about my problem and just casually brushed away my complaint and headed back inside his shop to continue his business. After I got mad a few people from the street gathered around (like they always do in our brotherhood country). After hearing and seeing my problem the crowd decided the shop keeper ought to clean the spots out for me. Thinking this was the end of it, I went back home hoping to see a clean car in the evening. Later that evening, I’m at my window in my ground floor apartment and a lady comes over the window and curses me saying I have no right to yell at her man and that I have been abusive because anything that comes out from the mouth of a woman like me is a curse, and that she would smash my car window. That’s when it occurred to me that she was the shop keeper’s wife! I asked her what the issue was and when the whole problem began with the paint falling on my car how was it my fault?? The lady, with no connection whatsoever, retorted to the fact that I had no right to talk to anyone because of my so called ‘reputation’. I was shocked! What reputation was she talking about? By then I could see people sticking their heads out of their windows from neighbouring apartments and even people around the building gathering from afar to listen. I couldn’t just stay quite about this, so I stepped out. In the mean while, the woman keep shouting, calling me names vaishya, kutti, dhanda wali. I couldn’t believe my ears and suddenly my world started spinning. Fortunately my neighbour joined me when she heard the fight and we confronted the lady asking her what gave her the right to opine such things about me, more over when the issue was completely unrelated. What she said next perhaps changed the way I openly trusted people around me. Apparently, there is no room for a girl who lives singly in society. Every time I had gone out at night partying or for a movie and stepped out in my party casuals into my car or had a friend pick me up I was supposedly ‘going for dhanda’. Every time I stayed over at my Grandpa’s or cousin’s or friend’s and returned home in the morning (in the same outfit) indicated that I had a successful night and conned some rich man. Being the tomboy that I am, because I hang with ‘the guys’ proved the fact that I was a slut! And all these fantasies built up in the minds of these low people because everyone observes the single woman! This woman who apparently is a school teacher had to be right (according to her husband who justified that his wife was entitled to say what she was saying when my friendly neighbour objected). Crowds standing by of course said nothing but enjoyed the fun of what was turning into a cat fight.

I’m not sure if I’m going to let what people think change my life, but I will say that I no longer am comfortable in anything I do because I am now aware of every eye on my back.

Happy Independence to the single Indian woman! (whenever the day comes)

My list of Do's and Don'ts

Just finished installing my brand new DVD player - the super cool Philips player that plays everything from DivX, MP4s, and even has a USB drive that allows you to 'plug in' your MP3 players, even the iPod! Radical! :)

Have you ever picked up a gadget that's so cool, so exciting that you can't wait to turn in on!? Well, I'm sure you've been there. But, before you do that there's always the user manual or instruction guide you should read (the most boring part of your new purchase and almost your enemy at that time - preventing you from getting straight to your brand new friend). Although we know what's best for us and our new gizmo, so read it we do. I too, like you, have gone through a number of manuals and user guides in my two and half odd decade life span. Some, I must say, have educated me while others have been so long and boring... they've put me to sleep! Over time, I devised a way to 'breeze through' manuals without falling asleep and yet not missing out on the essentials - Skip to the DOs and DON'Ts list. That's all you really need to know on what to and what not to do! Then of course if you're stuck, for example, with a certain new function, you can always check the index and skip right to the page.

DOs and DON'Ts just make life so much simpler; it's like skipping the songs in a 4-hour movie and just getting down to the juice of the story. I got so used to DOs and DON'Ts lists with time, everything I planned or did started being mentally guided by my own DOs and DON'Ts. Of course experience makes you edit them but it stays and builds up over time. I always thought I'd publish my list some day and imagined people referring to it like a bible. There's no harm in hoping, is there? :-)  But thank God for blogs!! I thought why not put it up on my blog - it's for people to read and have fun, and if there's something in there that's useful to someone, well, I can have a moment! So here's Janice Pearl's list of DOs & DON'Ts:

DOs

1. Leave spare keys to your house and car in another person's safe custody, for a 'lock out' moment
2. Ensure your insurance policies are current and valid
3. Work out or jog or cycle or dance - keep yourself physically active. If you miss out or take a break, getting back today is better than getting back next week (in retrospect). If you don't, STARTING TODAY isn't a bad idea
4. Spend time doing nothing at least once a fortnight (alone or with close ones)
5. Get out into nature (no technology, no car, no preserved food, no plastic) at least once in 6 months. If you've never done it before go with a group of eco-traveling experts
6. Eat everything you like in moderate proportions
7. Keep your finger and toe nails clean
8. Aim to unfold a lie/secret you've kept from your family/loved one at Christmas/Diwali (or any festival you celebrate together as a family). That way you'll have a lighter conscience as the years go by
9. Learn to cook, do the laundry, pay bills and manage finances for the household independently no matter how unnecessary you feel it is - you never know what emergency situation you may be in
10. Volunteer your services, even if for just a day, at an oldage home or orphanage - it'll remind you of how blessed you are and give you a sneak peak of what could have been
11. Aim to learn a new skill every year as part of your new year's resolution
12. Pray
13. ALWAYS wear good/clean underwear, you never know when you have that 'pant splitting' moment

DON'Ts

1. Don't pay interest on your credit cards if you can avoid it. You own every bit of the money you earn
2. Don't take your family and loved ones for granted. There's not much you can say to them once they're no longer with you or vice versa
3. Do NOT be cruel to animals; nature has its way of balancing things out
4. Don't neglect your teeth! Good oral and dental hygiene will keep you thanking your efforts for many decades in the future
5. Don't give in to anger and frustration easily. Fight with yourself to reason out situations. Say to yourself "why would a rational, decent human being behave this way?"
6. Don't delay repayment of debt; it's like a whirlpool that only takes your deeper and deeper from the surface
7. Don't be too egoistic about reconciling with old friends that you've had a fall-out with. After all you wouldn't be so hurt if they didn't matter
8. Don't neglect your elbow, neck, knees and ankles in your skin care regimes: they're the first to give you away
9. Don't forget to thank your professors and teachers, and all those who made a difference in your life; it may be for a year but you'll be talking about them long until your memory allows you to
10. Don't pop pills and pain killers for every illness and ache; nature is the best healer and if you let your body take charge you'll see it'll treat you better in future too
11. Don't be disheartened by people's discouraging. If you have it in you and truly want something - just do what you believe. People always have different opinions and besides if you didn't have your own opinion what would make you different?
12. Don't allow 'the way things work here' statement to prevent you from working your influence to change others. There is always hope. The moment you give up is when all hope is lost
13. Ultimately, don't litter, don't waste, don't add pollution. SAVE THE PLANET, OUR HOME!

Enter Extreme!

July 2009. Here are I sitting at my desk, behind my laptop and checking out who's online, chatting with friends that are free and simply connecting and catching up with everything I can manage to. I've just had my cup of tea, there's a slight drizzle out of the window and I think I may just take my shiny Firefox bicycle (courtesy, Joshua Correa) out for a ride up the hills. And maybe when I'm back, I'll catch a movie or spend some time learning Spanish (I aim to speak it well by September).

This is pretty much what my average days are like now, unless I'm out of town on an adventure trip, or out organizing an event, or travelling on corporate consulting project. Yup! That's what I do... I travel, play and perform alternate sports actively and work around 8-10 days a month to sustain my life. Along with this I'm also actively writing, offline and online, on my activity and shortly plan to take this to television too.

Here's a short list on my activities in the past year:

• Back packing trips: West Coast, India (headed South from Mumbai), North India (covering Uttaranchal, Himachal Pradesh & Delhi NCR)
• 13 treks; in & around Maharashtra (Nature Knights)
• Mountaineering camps & training for members of Nature Knights in Mumbai and Ratnagiri
• Rafting trips, both organized and for leisure, to Kundalika (Kolhad) on a fortnightly basis
• Mountain biking expedition to Jalori Pass, Himachal Pradesh with YHAI
• Extreme sports at Cape Town, South Africa
• Training programs; outbound, behavioural, functional, strategic and corporate with DOOR Training & Consulting at various locations across India and abroad
• Television (you'll see me on air in September) - Stay tuned for more updates!

There's so much more I want to do though. So much to see, places to go, and things to accomplish! One of the things I want to do course in sailing. I plan on shortly starting a full-fledged extreme sports company that facilitates alternate sports in India and makes it possible for people to have access to such activity at an affordable price.

Of Angels and demons and more.......

So, Janice Pearl - the person is popularly known among her friends as the strong, independent woman. Funnily though, most people I know if not intimidated by my so-called confidence are often 'scared' by my guts to survive Mumbai on my solo trip. Don't get me wrong, this ain't flattering; by far! It's a fact I've learned and come to accept from those who have shared it with me. In fact, I've been working towards coming across as less intimidating since the last two years, while not compromising on my personality. I can't say I was very successful.

What beats me is what is it about me that intimidates? Among those who really know me, however, this very response to my personality comes up as love, admiration and respect even. So then are the rest just confused about who the real Janice is? Do they just not know me? Or, am I a different person to them?

The truth is perhaps a mix of all three, and another factor - they do not know me in my weakness.

It's strange, ironic almost, how it's our weak moments that are most binding. It is the weak moments that strip off masks and reveal the depth of our personalities, and it is in these moments of vulnerability (whatever our need at that moment is - emotional, monetary, physical, spiritual...) that you 'pick' who sees you naked.

I am the only child of my parents, who are settled in Bahrain. I spent over a decade of my early years in Bahrain and moved to Mumbai (for reasons I can only assume fate had played a large role in) in my late schooling years. My mother spent some years here with me before she one fine day made a sudden decision and 'informed' me that she was to move back to Bahrain with Dad and that I'd have to live here on my own at least until I had completed college. I was 18 then. I never did understand why she left so suddenly and never thought much of it (it's my brain's defence mechanism to save me from hurt - avoid mental confrontation).

Being the only child, I was raised just like I was my parents' son and daughter; not once pampered, and it perhaps moulded me into being an extremely disciplined, undemanding child. So, I took this opportunity to prove that I could handle living on my own - study, manage finances, cook, clean, travel and look after myself just as anyone with guts of steel would. My parents sent me Rs. 10,000 every month that was to take care of everything. I managed well with that sum. So well that I managed to open a recurring deposit in a local bank which helped me save up and buy everything I needed to make life easier - a microwave, an electric kettle, a nice bean bag, a portable music system for my room, a CD player, a computer and even renovate the house! Pretty neat with no income of my own, eh?!

What I saw of life until then (still in college) was pretty cool. I didn't think it could be hard to survive Mumbai. I did however learn that I'd need to make it really big and soon if I wanted to live the life I dreamed of. There are two primary kinds of people who existed in Mumbai - the kind who were here due to an opportunity they had which wasn't elsewhere and the second kind who couldn't or rather wouldn't live anywhere else no matter the options available to them. I wanted to be the latter kind. It's a given that everyone who lives and becomes part of Mumbai gets emotionally inseparable with the city, becoming almost a part of its eco-system. However, belonging to one of the two categories determined the lengths one would be willing to go to survive here.

That, and every train ride on the life line of Mumbai played its role in moulding me into becoming the tough cookie I was becoming. Experiences taught my naive, young mind that no one can be truly trusted 100% and you always needed not only back-up, but to be self-dependent. I didn't make friends very easily any longer; acquaintances perhaps. But I got along with people very well and ended up building such a large network of 'friends' I could challenge the theory of the Human web or six degrees of separation. Now, I'm not sure if it's my Aquarian nature or just something I do wrong, but most often acquaintances get extremely attached and even misunderstand their equation in the scheme of things. This trend made me change my approach and I tended to be cold in my interactions. It was just how I could prevent people from expecting more. And soon I came to be known as someone with her walls up.

With all this going on, another side of me was building strong-rooted relationships with those I found myself dropping my masks to. These handful but increasingly important people in my life knew me better than even my parents did at this point in my life, more importantly; they made me a big part of their private lives. Never had I imagined that it was possible to share such comfort and closeness among people you aren't even related to (except for a karmic connection). I'm not sure if I'd want to call these special people 'Friends'. This word is used to generally - when referring to a casual acquaintance 'I met a friend at the station', when introducing an ex-lover to your current 'an old friend of mine', when accidently bumping into your boss at the bar while you also just bumped into someone you'd never be caught dead around with otherwise 'Oh.. I was just telling my friend how great our organization is!' So, I want to call these special people in my life ANGELS.

Only angels would somehow always be there or make their way back into your life even after a sudden dry spell when you need them the most, only angels would not need to ask you anything and sense you are saying something, only angels don't look for return gifts, only angels love unconditionally... And when you find your angel you and your angel both, somewhere in your hearts, know at that very instant that there's a bond.

It's possible that I too am someone's angel (well at least I hope so). But today I want to thank in a special way all my angels - who've been there for me to lend a hand, wipe my tears, smile when they're proud of me, buck me up, scold me when needed or just be the brother/sister I've never had. I am who I am today because of each one of you and your love for me!

Life's bigger than a roller coaster

Here I am sitting at 28; it's neither old nor young. It's what I like to call 'Perfect'! And somehow, that's not what most people my age feel. Strange!! I wonder what it is about this age that gets both women and men alike quite restless about their lives.

Before I share what I ended up discovering and how much I learned once I researched on the subject, let me fill you in on my life at this point. I, Janice Pearl D'souza, live in Mumbai (well Thane to be specific), one of the busiest, noisiest, and most crowded localities in the world! As if that wasn't enough, living on my own for the past 10 years of my life; getting educated, working, cooking, managing bills, finances and myself has probably taken up a major part of my last decade, not to mention taught me a LOT. While I spent the first 3 years still in college, the next 6 years is when life took a completely different turn - the working woman's life. Earning an income good enough to support your lifestyle in Mumbai and saving up for buying you fancy gadgets and vacations is something of an achievement in this crazy world of Mumbai. Most people struggle to find themselves under a nice roof and remain debt-free. So, I think I got by pretty well. Within 3 years of being a working woman, I took a loan and bought my first car - a gorgeous black Ford Ikon 1.3! I can't forget the day I drove out of the showroom and realised this was my first love!

I moved from one job to another and after heading Marketing and Branding for an LPO in Mumbai for 3 years until May 2008... I got to my breaking point. What's a breaking point? The point (in a particular situation) that challenges your willingness or ability to go further and it affects all other aspects in your life, pretty much until you can't think, eat or sleep right any longer. I'd reached mine - my breaking point in figuring out what I really wanted in life. What I did next perhaps still has my parents and friends puzzled, but has been, in all, possibility the best thing I've done so far in my life - I quit my job, decided to take a sabbatical and just do nothing (yes, NOTHING). Don't get me wrong, I didn't have pot loads of money to fall back on, nor a filthy rich father to be parasite to. But what I did have was guts and faith in ME; faith that life had much more to offer me than I was letting it.

Now that I was a free bird, I spent the first 3 months travelling, exploring around India and meeting friends and people I hadn't had a chance to meet over the past many years, thanks to everyone's busy schedules and commitments. Life felt good again... more meaningful. These small rendezvous brought tears of joy most often; nostalgia that choked, and memories that still lived in some corner of the child inside. But slowly, my pockets were getting empty. I had no option but to take up something. I gave it a thought I decided I wasn't going to get back to being employed for a company that only drains you dry, eats the better part of your youth, and pays you wages that you need to justify at the end of each month! I started consulting instead, but at my own leisure and pace, and only with opportunities that were challenging and interesting. This gave me the flexibility to work when I wanted and where I wanted. I promised to keep my new-found life; see and do things that really got me close to understanding life, do things that moved or changed someone in ways that mattered and most importantly, go to bed each night with immense satisfaction and eager for the next day.

Friends started closely following my life and wondered how I managed it all - work, travel, party, socialise, manage a house & finances, and get physically super fit! I started inspiring and being a role model to many. I'd bump into people on the street who hadn't seen me in a while "Wow you look great!! And you're in great shape! You look like you're growing younger". I starting having fans almost (well inspired individuals to be more precise). Then, revelations happened! It was now that, slowly, I realised almost everyone I knew was only living a so called 'showcase life'. Almost everyone of them would rather have been doing something else at that very point in their life - be with someone they cared, travel, backpack, get fit, learn something new, pursue a hobby, something....

So how come it all only remained a dream, a wish? It's funny how little importance people give to their own 'to-do lists'. We don't even make a personal to-do list. The short term to-do lists listing mostly things you want to 'get done and over with' rather than 'do because you've been dying to do it' don't count! How many times had any of them put down 'try that bakery shop at the corner & order their most sinful pastry', or 'look my sexiest at 30' on their list? I'm sure these were on many people's mind though. This thought hit me perhaps the hardest when I watched the movie The Bucket List, a Warner Bros. production starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. They couldn't have said it better! Incidentally for me, I watched this flick just around the time I was approaching my Breaking Point.

Alright, here's what I did differently - that, well may not be the one and only way to truly find meaning in life but it's an example - you need to give up your security, your mental comfort and your routine, mundane life and just take a plunge. It's like diving into a swimming pool from the 2nd level on a diving platform when you've not even learned to swim yet! Of course, you will tie a float around your waist but the jump is still scary. But you can either do it or not. Once you've jumped in, you can't think of the fears that flooded your mind just before you jumped, you need to focus on resurfacing and swimming to the edge. Let the pool be a world of unexplored opportunity and let the diving board be your might jump from conventional, predictable living to truly living! I did it, and what I have achieved within less than a year is what I will write more about in my upcoming posts, so stay tuned!

Try making your list here: http://www.43things.com

I've been putting things on there too: http://www.43things.com/person/pearljan