The second season of Khatron Ke Khiladi - Fear Factor and I'm on it! |
I loved the thrill of adventure and beautiful Cape Town |
The dare devil, the tomboy, the fitness addict, the entrepreneur, the girl child, the daughter, the single mom, the adventurer, the traveler, the corporate trainer - the woman, ME
The second season of Khatron Ke Khiladi - Fear Factor and I'm on it! |
I loved the thrill of adventure and beautiful Cape Town |
August 14, 2008 - Netra Raghuraman wins Fear Factor Khatron ke Khiladi.
March 28, 2009 - 13 super-rocking stars (Ali, Alok, Arjun, Fahad, Goonj, Gurmeet, Jatin, Prashant, Sandeep, Sandhan, Sundeep, Swapnesh and JANICE) leave to Cape Town along with the 13 haseenas and THE KHILADI himself! The rest is history.
Watch the episodes online on desiforum.com
In a city where the average person spends more than 18 hours a day working (either at the office, or home) it's increasingly obvious why more and more people today are single. Most don't find the time to date, those that do can't balance it, and those that can juggle all of it, often can't find the confidence to commit to married life yet. Quite understandable. However, there's also the other side, where those who aren't troubled from either of these situations but 'choose' to be single either for a definite or indefinite period of time. Now, this may be something that the average Indian does not understand.
Picture this situation: A couple is out on an evening, they decide to stop by at a bar for a drink. At that very bar is sitting a pretty young lady just making conversation with the bar tender having a glass of wine. While she’s at it, she glances around the room - to look for familiar faces; waiting for someone, enjoying the crowd – who knows. The guy in the couple checks her out and wonders “hmm... I wonder what she’s doing here all by herself. Maybe waiting for someone, maybe a regular, maybe stood up, maybe a hooker.” The girl in the couple catches his eye, notices the girl at the bar and thinks, “Slut! Only a slut would be here all by herself!” Now all energy for the evening is spent in ensuring that ‘the slut’ doesn’t get any attention from her guy. She may even pass an appalling remark to voice her opinion on the ‘single woman at the bar’.
This isn’t pure fiction. I completely relate to this situation. Here’s what happened to me – this will be shocking for many to read; but it’s true. My car, parked in its usual spot outside my building, is covered with red-oxide paint drops one day and after inspecting I learn that the shop keeper (who has his shop there since three years now) has recently fitted a grill and had it painted. So I go over and ask him why he didn’t ask me to move the car if he knew it was going to be covered with the paint. The shop keeper was really rude and unconcerned about my problem and just casually brushed away my complaint and headed back inside his shop to continue his business. After I got mad a few people from the street gathered around (like they always do in our brotherhood country). After hearing and seeing my problem the crowd decided the shop keeper ought to clean the spots out for me. Thinking this was the end of it, I went back home hoping to see a clean car in the evening. Later that evening, I’m at my window in my ground floor apartment and a lady comes over the window and curses me saying I have no right to yell at her man and that I have been abusive because anything that comes out from the mouth of a woman like me is a curse, and that she would smash my car window. That’s when it occurred to me that she was the shop keeper’s wife! I asked her what the issue was and when the whole problem began with the paint falling on my car how was it my fault?? The lady, with no connection whatsoever, retorted to the fact that I had no right to talk to anyone because of my so called ‘reputation’. I was shocked! What reputation was she talking about? By then I could see people sticking their heads out of their windows from neighbouring apartments and even people around the building gathering from afar to listen. I couldn’t just stay quite about this, so I stepped out. In the mean while, the woman keep shouting, calling me names vaishya, kutti, dhanda wali. I couldn’t believe my ears and suddenly my world started spinning. Fortunately my neighbour joined me when she heard the fight and we confronted the lady asking her what gave her the right to opine such things about me, more over when the issue was completely unrelated. What she said next perhaps changed the way I openly trusted people around me. Apparently, there is no room for a girl who lives singly in society. Every time I had gone out at night partying or for a movie and stepped out in my party casuals into my car or had a friend pick me up I was supposedly ‘going for dhanda’. Every time I stayed over at my Grandpa’s or cousin’s or friend’s and returned home in the morning (in the same outfit) indicated that I had a successful night and conned some rich man. Being the tomboy that I am, because I hang with ‘the guys’ proved the fact that I was a slut! And all these fantasies built up in the minds of these low people because everyone observes the single woman! This woman who apparently is a school teacher had to be right (according to her husband who justified that his wife was entitled to say what she was saying when my friendly neighbour objected). Crowds standing by of course said nothing but enjoyed the fun of what was turning into a cat fight.
I’m not sure if I’m going to let what people think change my life, but I will say that I no longer am comfortable in anything I do because I am now aware of every eye on my back.
Happy Independence to the single Indian woman! (whenever the day comes)
July 2009. Here are I sitting at my desk, behind my laptop and checking out who's online, chatting with friends that are free and simply connecting and catching up with everything I can manage to. I've just had my cup of tea, there's a slight drizzle out of the window and I think I may just take my shiny Firefox bicycle (courtesy, Joshua Correa) out for a ride up the hills. And maybe when I'm back, I'll catch a movie or spend some time learning Spanish (I aim to speak it well by September).
This is pretty much what my average days are like now, unless I'm out of town on an adventure trip, or out organizing an event, or travelling on corporate consulting project. Yup! That's what I do... I travel, play and perform alternate sports actively and work around 8-10 days a month to sustain my life. Along with this I'm also actively writing, offline and online, on my activity and shortly plan to take this to television too.
Here's a short list on my activities in the past year:
There's so much more I want to do though. So much to see, places to go, and things to accomplish! One of the things I want to do course in sailing. I plan on shortly starting a full-fledged extreme sports company that facilitates alternate sports in India and makes it possible for people to have access to such activity at an affordable price.
So, Janice Pearl - the person is popularly known among her friends as the strong, independent woman. Funnily though, most people I know if not intimidated by my so-called confidence are often 'scared' by my guts to survive Mumbai on my solo trip. Don't get me wrong, this ain't flattering; by far! It's a fact I've learned and come to accept from those who have shared it with me. In fact, I've been working towards coming across as less intimidating since the last two years, while not compromising on my personality. I can't say I was very successful.
What beats me is what is it about me that intimidates? Among those who really know me, however, this very response to my personality comes up as love, admiration and respect even. So then are the rest just confused about who the real Janice is? Do they just not know me? Or, am I a different person to them?
The truth is perhaps a mix of all three, and another factor - they do not know me in my weakness.
It's strange, ironic almost, how it's our weak moments that are most binding. It is the weak moments that strip off masks and reveal the depth of our personalities, and it is in these moments of vulnerability (whatever our need at that moment is - emotional, monetary, physical, spiritual...) that you 'pick' who sees you naked.
I am the only child of my parents, who are settled in Bahrain. I spent over a decade of my early years in Bahrain and moved to Mumbai (for reasons I can only assume fate had played a large role in) in my late schooling years. My mother spent some years here with me before she one fine day made a sudden decision and 'informed' me that she was to move back to Bahrain with Dad and that I'd have to live here on my own at least until I had completed college. I was 18 then. I never did understand why she left so suddenly and never thought much of it (it's my brain's defence mechanism to save me from hurt - avoid mental confrontation).
Being the only child, I was raised just like I was my parents' son and daughter; not once pampered, and it perhaps moulded me into being an extremely disciplined, undemanding child. So, I took this opportunity to prove that I could handle living on my own - study, manage finances, cook, clean, travel and look after myself just as anyone with guts of steel would. My parents sent me Rs. 10,000 every month that was to take care of everything. I managed well with that sum. So well that I managed to open a recurring deposit in a local bank which helped me save up and buy everything I needed to make life easier - a microwave, an electric kettle, a nice bean bag, a portable music system for my room, a CD player, a computer and even renovate the house! Pretty neat with no income of my own, eh?!
What I saw of life until then (still in college) was pretty cool. I didn't think it could be hard to survive Mumbai. I did however learn that I'd need to make it really big and soon if I wanted to live the life I dreamed of. There are two primary kinds of people who existed in Mumbai - the kind who were here due to an opportunity they had which wasn't elsewhere and the second kind who couldn't or rather wouldn't live anywhere else no matter the options available to them. I wanted to be the latter kind. It's a given that everyone who lives and becomes part of Mumbai gets emotionally inseparable with the city, becoming almost a part of its eco-system. However, belonging to one of the two categories determined the lengths one would be willing to go to survive here.
That, and every train ride on the life line of Mumbai played its role in moulding me into becoming the tough cookie I was becoming. Experiences taught my naive, young mind that no one can be truly trusted 100% and you always needed not only back-up, but to be self-dependent. I didn't make friends very easily any longer; acquaintances perhaps. But I got along with people very well and ended up building such a large network of 'friends' I could challenge the theory of the Human web or six degrees of separation. Now, I'm not sure if it's my Aquarian nature or just something I do wrong, but most often acquaintances get extremely attached and even misunderstand their equation in the scheme of things. This trend made me change my approach and I tended to be cold in my interactions. It was just how I could prevent people from expecting more. And soon I came to be known as someone with her walls up.
With all this going on, another side of me was building strong-rooted relationships with those I found myself dropping my masks to. These handful but increasingly important people in my life knew me better than even my parents did at this point in my life, more importantly; they made me a big part of their private lives. Never had I imagined that it was possible to share such comfort and closeness among people you aren't even related to (except for a karmic connection). I'm not sure if I'd want to call these special people 'Friends'. This word is used to generally - when referring to a casual acquaintance 'I met a friend at the station', when introducing an ex-lover to your current 'an old friend of mine', when accidently bumping into your boss at the bar while you also just bumped into someone you'd never be caught dead around with otherwise 'Oh.. I was just telling my friend how great our organization is!' So, I want to call these special people in my life ANGELS.
Only angels would somehow always be there or make their way back into your life even after a sudden dry spell when you need them the most, only angels would not need to ask you anything and sense you are saying something, only angels don't look for return gifts, only angels love unconditionally... And when you find your angel you and your angel both, somewhere in your hearts, know at that very instant that there's a bond.
It's possible that I too am someone's angel (well at least I hope so). But today I want to thank in a special way all my angels - who've been there for me to lend a hand, wipe my tears, smile when they're proud of me, buck me up, scold me when needed or just be the brother/sister I've never had. I am who I am today because of each one of you and your love for me!
Here I am sitting at 28; it's neither old nor young. It's what I like to call 'Perfect'! And somehow, that's not what most people my age feel. Strange!! I wonder what it is about this age that gets both women and men alike quite restless about their lives.
Before I share what I ended up discovering and how much I learned once I researched on the subject, let me fill you in on my life at this point. I, Janice Pearl D'souza, live in Mumbai (well Thane to be specific), one of the busiest, noisiest, and most crowded localities in the world! As if that wasn't enough, living on my own for the past 10 years of my life; getting educated, working, cooking, managing bills, finances and myself has probably taken up a major part of my last decade, not to mention taught me a LOT. While I spent the first 3 years still in college, the next 6 years is when life took a completely different turn - the working woman's life. Earning an income good enough to support your lifestyle in Mumbai and saving up for buying you fancy gadgets and vacations is something of an achievement in this crazy world of Mumbai. Most people struggle to find themselves under a nice roof and remain debt-free. So, I think I got by pretty well. Within 3 years of being a working woman, I took a loan and bought my first car - a gorgeous black Ford Ikon 1.3! I can't forget the day I drove out of the showroom and realised this was my first love!
I moved from one job to another and after heading Marketing and Branding for an LPO in Mumbai for 3 years until May 2008... I got to my breaking point. What's a breaking point? The point (in a particular situation) that challenges your willingness or ability to go further and it affects all other aspects in your life, pretty much until you can't think, eat or sleep right any longer. I'd reached mine - my breaking point in figuring out what I really wanted in life. What I did next perhaps still has my parents and friends puzzled, but has been, in all, possibility the best thing I've done so far in my life - I quit my job, decided to take a sabbatical and just do nothing (yes, NOTHING). Don't get me wrong, I didn't have pot loads of money to fall back on, nor a filthy rich father to be parasite to. But what I did have was guts and faith in ME; faith that life had much more to offer me than I was letting it.
Friends started closely following my life and wondered how I managed it all - work, travel, party, socialise, manage a house & finances, and get physically super fit! I started inspiring and being a role model to many. I'd bump into people on the street who hadn't seen me in a while "Wow you look great!! And you're in great shape! You look like you're growing younger". I starting having fans almost (well inspired individuals to be more precise). Then, revelations happened! It was now that, slowly, I realised almost everyone I knew was only living a so called 'showcase life'. Almost everyone of them would rather have been doing something else at that very point in their life - be with someone they cared, travel, backpack, get fit, learn something new, pursue a hobby, something....
So how come it all only remained a dream, a wish? It's funny how little importance people give to their own 'to-do lists'. We don't even make a personal to-do list. The short term to-do lists listing mostly things you want to 'get done and over with' rather than 'do because you've been dying to do it' don't count! How many times had any of them put down 'try that bakery shop at the corner & order their most sinful pastry', or 'look my sexiest at 30' on their list? I'm sure these were on many people's mind though. This thought hit me perhaps the hardest when I watched the movie The Bucket List, a Warner Bros. production starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. They couldn't have said it better! Incidentally for me, I watched this flick just around the time I was approaching my Breaking Point.
Alright, here's what I did differently - that, well may not be the one and only way to truly find meaning in life but it's an example - you need to give up your security, your mental comfort and your routine, mundane life and just take a plunge. It's like diving into a swimming pool from the 2nd level on a diving platform when you've not even learned to swim yet! Of course, you will tie a float around your waist but the jump is still scary. But you can either do it or not. Once you've jumped in, you can't think of the fears that flooded your mind just before you jumped, you need to focus on resurfacing and swimming to the edge. Let the pool be a world of unexplored opportunity and let the diving board be your might jump from conventional, predictable living to truly living! I did it, and what I have achieved within less than a year is what I will write more about in my upcoming posts, so stay tuned!
Try making your list here: http://www.43things.com
I've been putting things on there too: http://www.43things.com/person/pearljan