Fairness Beyond Equality: Why Equity Is Key to a Just Society

In the four decades of my life, and over two in corporate experience, I have witnessed and experienced the impact of various biases and prejudices. While I have dealt with misogynistic or sexist bosses, clients and co-workers, I have also encountered opportunists who have taken advantage of such situations and climbed the ladder faster than anyone else. It is disheartening to see how these experiences have shaped our perceptions of fairness, equity, and equality. But I have also experienced extremely just, fair and kind bosses, clients and co-workers, some who went by in silence and others who stood for these values and spoke up when they saw injustice. Similar patterns are visible in institutions, housing societies, political organisations and even, not surprisingly, homes. 

The difference between equity and equality is often overlooked in our society. While equality is the idea of treating everyone the same, equity is about ensuring that everyone has access to the same opportunities and resources to achieve the same outcomes. The problem with the concept of equality is that it assumes that everyone starts from the same place, which is far from the truth. The truth is that many people, especially those from marginalised communities, do not have the same access to resources, opportunities, and networks that others do.

As a result, the concept of equality has become a double-edged sword. While it aims to promote fairness, it has also led people to believe that everyone should be treated the same, even when their circumstances are vastly different. This has created a sense of entitlement among some segments of society, who feel that they are entitled to the same opportunities and resources, regardless of their situation. This sense of entitlement has, in turn, led to a lack of empathy and understanding for those who are less privileged.

Today, almost every segment of class, caste, creed, and gender calls themselves a victim. It seems that the focus is more on disproving real issues that need advocacy, while spending all effort trying to prove them wrong. This mindset has led to a lack of awareness and empathy for those who are actually victims of discrimination and bias. Instead of acknowledging and addressing their concerns, we are quick to dismiss them as being overly sensitive or overly emotional. .

At the same time, a certain privileged category of people raises their hands up and makes conclusions on their narrow reality that no such issues exist at all and that people 'choose' to live with their problems. This is a dangerous perspective to have because it perpetuates the idea that those who are struggling are responsible for their own problems. It absolves society of any responsibility for addressing systemic issues that perpetuate inequality and discrimination. Yesterday I came across a viral post of a man which two of my contacts reposted on Instagram, in which the guy interviews some female Ukrainian youth with the question as to why it was ok for females to leave the country in war while no male 18 years and older were allowed to and had to fight in war. He called them privileged, but worse was the tags and text post on this video which said 'the very foundation a woman stands upon, is built on the lives of sacrificial men' calling it a 'feminocentric society'. I'm not against his advocacy to raise awareness on male atrocities (never-mind that it is largely men who decide war and make rules on who leaves and stays), but why then say things to judge women and I quote them, "if you're a Ukrainian woman, you get to go to Stockholm, you get to go to Great Britain - You get to continue your HOT GIRL summer."

We need to acknowledge that our society is not fair or equitable. It is riddled with biases and prejudices that have been ingrained in us for generations. We cannot simply ignore these issues or dismiss them as being unimportant. We need to have the courage to confront them head-on and work towards building a more inclusive and equitable society.

To do this, we need to start by listening to different points of view. We need to have open and honest conversations about the challenges that people face and the solutions that can help address them. We need to move beyond our own biases and perspectives and try to understand the experiences of others. Share your views without negating the views of others.

We also need to be more empathetic and compassionate towards those who are struggling. We need to recognise that everyone has their own struggles and challenges, and we need to be there to support and uplift one another. This means being willing to lend a helping hand, offering support and resources, and advocating for policies and practices that promote equity and inclusion.

In conclusion, we need to recognise that we are a selfish and self-centred generation that has lost its ability to care for others or even listen to different points of view. We need to work towards building a more inclusive and equitable society, one where everyone has access to the same opportunities and resources to achieve their goals. This requires us to be more empathetic, compassionate, and open-minded, to confront our biases and prejudices, and to work together towards a better future. Only then can we truly create a society that is fair and just for all. 

Equity vs. Equality: Why Fairness Is More Than Treating Everyone the Same
Picture credits: Canva text to image

Double Standards

A man can have a bad day,

And simply take it in stride,

He'll grab a beer or hop on his bike,

And let the stress subside.

But a woman's bad day is different,

She's judged for her mood and behaviour,

And criticised for not being herself,

As if she's done a great disfavour.

A man can be tired from work,

Driving, meetings, and more,

But he comes home to a clean house,

And a meal waiting at the door.

A woman also works and studies hard,

But before she can even rest,

She's cooking, cleaning, doing laundry,

And still trying to give her best.

A man can hold meetings anywhere,

Without being questioned or stopped,

But a woman must hurry home,

And not leave her family dropped.

Men can delegate with ease,

While women are delegated to,

And when someone does help them out,

They feel obligated to say "thank you."

Women must always be gentle,

No matter how they're being treated,

But men can act macho and strong,

And their behaviour is often repeated.

Yet today's world is changing,

With women as breadwinners too,

Balancing work and responsibilities,

Without giving up what they must do.

Men pursue their dreams with ease,

Without sacrificing their role,

While others take on the burden,

To ensure their dreams stay whole.

But equity is what we strive for,

To level the playing field,

Where both men and women are valued,

And their contributions revealed. 

There's a Metaphor is this one for Everyone!

What I'm about to describe may seem mundane and irrelevant, but stay tuned!  I rarely paint my nails - I attribute it to never being as 'girly' to want to do it and also to the fact that I cook a lot and don't like toxic chips of polish getting chopped into my food.  Either ways, you'd think then that I wouldn't have a vast collection of nail paint bottles. But that isn't quite so as I discovered yesterday.  I needed to find some time for myself - some peace of mind and something to submerge myself in; so I dug into my dresser and found the huge vanity case in which I stored my nail paints.  It was a little dusty and as I pulled it out I realised it was really heavy. Why? Curious, I opened it and realised that over the last few years I had accumulated quite a few of these tiny glass bottles; some out of compulsive shopping at the marts, some because I needed a particular colour to go with a certain dress on an annual event. 

Here's an Idea for You

In what areas of life have you made investments (time, resources, effort, emotions, etc.) that you felt would be worthwhile at the moment and later forgot about or never went back to? How many of these are intentional and how many purely due to poor management?

Defining Idea

“All the things one has forgotten scream for help in dreams.” – Elias Canetti, Swiss Author

Now here's where it got interesting.... I tried thinking of the last time I used some of these paints - and couldn't recall. Even today, as I thought about which colour enamel I wanted on my nails, it was the more current, recent bottles that I found myself going for.  It was a good day, in terms of time – plenty to spare since I couldn’t focus on anything else anyway. I told myself that I had two choices 1) as always, pick a colour that pleases me today and bring out the artist in me, 2) once and for all sort this case of colours and get rid of all these ugly bottles that have probably gone rotten inside and lighten the load.

The newer collection

I went with the latter. I first started out by laying a sheet of paper on my bed and turned out the entire case to spill the bottles on it.  ‘Oh my goodness!! I have so many nail paints! For someone who doesn’t paint her nails very often that sure is a lot! I wonder if Kim Kardashian has a whole wardrobe filled with these tiny bottles.’ I had planned to sort them in two categories – keep and throw. But as I began sorting, I found myself almost willingly not putting any into the ‘throw’ side of the bed and instead created a pseudo category ‘maybe’. By the end of the sorting I had three piles – keep, maybe and unsorted! None were going!! This was confusing. So I’m actually saying that I have all these paints that are both usable and perfectly fine but I haven’t used them and just bought newer ones instead and now lost inclination to go back to them?  This wasn’t good!

Here's an Idea for You

Have you made the time to clean up lately? When you have, are you among those who would rather replace than work on fixing?

Defining Idea

“If you’re too busy to build good systems, then you’ll always be too busy” – Brian Logue

Why is it that in all these years (6 to be precise, because it was a collection of nail paints only since my marriage) I hadn’t once revisited some of the nail paints which I had surely procured for a reason? Why is it that in all the time in between, I hadn’t thought about doing this exercise? Perhaps I could have reused them earlier had I sorted them out before. The last time I did something similar is before my wedding, because I had to move houses and belongings. 

Here's an Idea for You

Do we require life altering events to make some important changes which aren’t truly dependent on these events anyway?  Priority-wise how much scope do we have for better resource management if we allocate planned and better time to it? Do you change before you 'have to'?

Defining Idea

“One reason people resist change is because they focus on what they have to give up, instead of what they have to gain” – Rick Godwin

Older collection

Getting back to the three piles of nail paint bottles I had in front of me.  This sorting wasn’t working.  So I decided to use another method – the litmus test of nail paints – the thinness test.  I opened each bottle and checked the consistency of the nail paints. I was so sure that I’d lose at least half of them with this method.  So I started with the newest and put them all in the safe zone.  They’re new! Obviously I remember the reasons I bought them and the PRICE I paid for them – too precious to throw.  Then I went through the older lot… one by one… opening each bottle after a vigorous shake and checking if the paint was thin or thick – hoping that it was sticky or even dried up so it would go straight in the bin. But, to my surprise – every single bottle was worth being used at a nail spa! Great consistency, still smooth, not split and almost entire bottles full of paint. OUCH!! Now what?

Dust and mold on the bottle

I took a moment to think about what made me not go back to these paints every time I opened my vanity case for picking a colour?  Was it that the colours were outdated now? True for around 15% of them. What about the rest? Had any of them proved bad for my nails? True for around 5% of them. For the other 80% I realised that the only thing that prevented them being used is that they lost appeal purely from their exterior, not interior. Huh?? Whose fault was that? They looked perfectly fine when I purchased them. They still have the same qualities to get the job done.  So I was responsible for this? YES. Keeping them unused had caused the outer prints to get oxidized. In some cases there was dust and mold under the rims of the lids on the bottle and some just had some hardened paint from spills on the outsides which made them look unappealing. I hadn’t taken the time to clean these ever! 

The unsaveable lot

I dropped everything down, put on my floaters, grabbed an umbrella and some cash and went to the store to buy a bottle of acetone and a bottle of spirit. The acetone would help me thin some of the paints that were still good, but could use some thinning to last another couple of years. Spirit would help get the outside clean and disinfected. Half an hour later, I had some fabulous looking, top quality bottles that looked fresh off the shelf. And the 20% that hadn’t passed the test? – I got rid of them.

Here's an Idea for You

Identifying quality resources and focusing your energy on working on only these is absolutely essential, but do you have a process that works well in identifying these? Is it fool-proof? These processes are time consuming, but save a whole lot of time and costs in the future. They also give you an accurate estimation of your assets.

Defining Idea

“I’m convinced that nothing we do is more important than hiring and developing people. At the end of the day you bet on people, not strategies” – Lawrence Bossidy, GE

The outcome – I have a lighter, better-organized, all ready-to-use and almost feels-like-new range of nail paints waiting for me to use them more often.  It actually has me excited to paint my nails at least once a fortnight from now on! And, I have space for my nail paint removers, cotton wool and manicure set in the same case (which I didn’t before). But here’s the best part, and my biggest eye opener – After I had all my nail paints ready to go back in the case, the case now looked dirty, dull and like it needed a good cleaning itself in comparison. And you know what? I would never have thought about that had the nail paints in this management system not looked so fresh and new. 

Oh and I figured that Kim Kardashian wouldn't own a wardrobe of nail paints - she would just leave that to the nail spas! But I'll leave that topic of lean resource management for another day :)

Here's an Idea for You

Management systems that hold, lead and manage resources are only as good as the resources they manage. Do you feel great about being current because the resources you manage aren’t as current? How often do you challenge your own potential? Are you open to challenge or do you see it as a threat?

Defining Idea

“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, you need a good team.” – John Wooden

“If you get the culture right, most of the other stuff will just take care of itself.” – Tony Hsieh, CEO of Zappos.com

A Bucket Full of Happiness

Life is a long journey, a journey with many stop-overs, many fuel-ups required, many break-downs but yet the destination - the climax, keeps us on the path.  The best part of a journey are the pleasant things you pick up complimentary along the way - sweet nothings, a memorable sight, an unforgettable conversation, or just the speed.

No journey can be compared to another, every journey even to the same destination has a different experience. Sometimes you travel alone, sometimes you have company. Even when in company, each person's experience is so different, each one's expectations are different too.  So what makes a journey happy or unhappy for a person? Is it the experiences or circumstances to a person at the time, is it the expectations they have of what they wish to experience, is it the company they have, or is it mere destiny that decides this too?

A wise man once told me "Every memory you form in your lifetime helps you create new expectations." If that's true, then every expectation is based on experiences and so it's the experiences I have or don't have that are responsible for my journey to make me happy or unhappy, right?  But the funny thing is I can only experience to know, and if knowing makes me look back instead of forward maybe we're just build wrong? Maybe, life's journey isn't about looking for happiness. Maybe life itself is happiness and the experiences life bring just take us to our destination with buckets full of memories so that we can think about how much of the happiness we were born with, did we share along our journey!

"Miracle Child" - A poem dedicated to my unborn

Oh what thrill, oh what joy!
The love of a mother's heart knows no bounds,
I know not yet girl or boy.

From that moment I whispered in God's own ear,
"If be thy will, then so be it now, here..."
This mother's heart your creation aware,
Dreamed day and night your miracle to bare.

When the time was right and hope turned to doubt,
I stared at the stick; two bars to turn out,
Skipped a beat, a tear in my eye
Called Daddy dear who wasn't nearby.

That blessed moment forever we'll cherish
When gifted we felt, a joy none can perish.
For a gift you are; a gift of God's love,
A sign of a miracle from Jesus above!

The wait now begins; forty weeks with you in,
Your face for a glimpse is all I dream and imagine.
Three months though in agony, all trials I'll overcome,
An addition to us, Dad and I look to welcome.

Now the moment is near, our voices you hear,
Every loved one awaits to hold you, my dear!
But take your sweet time, a lifetime we have,
To love and adore you, to rejoice and be glad.

When Life hits the 'Pause' button

I think it's fair for me to say that we live in a time and age where most of us at least the Gen X, Y and upwards live non-stop kind of action packed lives.   To say the least, time-management and work-life balance are the biggest challenges most executives and even students deal with.  While some of us have managed to slip in time for ourselves and our own development within our maxed out schedules, there is barely any time to include an added hour for others or unplanned events.

My life is pretty much the same.  Between a well synchronized outlook calendar, smartphone and Google calendar that has every activity listed to the tee, including private and life events, the only free time seems to be that to breathe, eat and sleep.  But fortunately for me everything seemed to work perfectly well since my husband and I live in our nuclear family; my parents in a different country and his the kind who don't keep in touch.  As long as we managed to give each other our required attention and also take personal time out among our busy schedules I was pretty confident that I had created a perfect little world around me.  In fact, I could (and do, being a corporate trainer) give lessons in time management to several top executives on where and how to save precious minutes.  Why, I could even write a book on it!!!

All until a fortnight ago.....  two Mondays ago, when reality hit me!  No matter how many gadgets you have, how many efficient apps that assist you to be better at time management, no matter how organized and planned, there are some things in life that just throw you off (way off) your plans and that's when you can do nothing but stop and PAUSE because that's what life throws at you - the pause button.

Being 24 weeks into my pregnancy with our first child, like any other mother, I'd been going through a whole surge of emotions - excitement, eagerness, anxiety, joy, worry and most of all happiness.  While the first couple of months crawled by, I soon got back into my regular routine, barring a few activities which were no longer advised.  But apart from that, there seemed to be lesser time to do all the things I wanted to get done before being a full-time mom for at least half a year! I had things planned out (the perfectionist that I am) in such a way that I would have everything in order well in time before by baby was due in May.  Work wouldn't stop; I even hired two more BD execs to take on Mumbai sales while I go out of action, clients were informed and I had the next few months' plans in place.  Everything else could be handled over the phone.

On that Monday, two weeks ago, while trying hard to juggle through a very tight schedule and deadlines and a sudden urgent job that required me to travel the next day, I experienced uncomfortable tummy cramps.  I decided to down some antacids and wait it out as I had so much to take care of, it seemed like a low priority at the moment.  In my attempt to complete things and get work organized in my absence for the next couple of days, I even ignored the severity of the cramps which were now nearly unbearable.  After getting off a conference call at 6:45pm, when I could not even lift myself off my chair, I scrambled my way to ring my next door neighbour's doorbell. She's a doctor and her clinic is in the same apartment's commercial complex outside.  Only then did I realise that in my fast-paced life, I had ignored labour pains.. for nearly 20 hours and passed them off as a gas attack!  Reality hit me hard - very hard indeed!! Was it all worth it after all? Was my attempt to delay hitting the pause button myself going to result in a very bad consequence? There was no time to think - I dropped everything, got my husband and had him drive me to my gynecologist.

The next two days were a struggle.  It's a miracle that both baby & I came through safely and are now fine.  But that was a very close call, a call I could have prevented altogether.  A call that if had I the ability to go back in time I'd have taken sooner, almost immediately in retrospect.  My doctor tried her best to prevent a preterm delivery and miraculously succeeded however I spent the next 12 days confined to a declined bed at the hospital, hoping and praying my baby would stay put and stay safe. I had all kinds of pipes and wires going through me and even celebrated my birthday there.

God was kind enough to just hit the pause button this time, but sometimes our resistance to accept His plan causes pause to turn into STOP.  What really opened my eyes even more in the two weeks that I lay there was, while I had made little to no time for so many others in my life before this due to busy schedules they were making the time for me! They were there! They all had a much better awareness of how and when to use their pause buttons.  It made me realise just how selfish I'd grown, just how small my world was and opened my eyes to the possibility of a whole new universe that can exist even in the slow lane! A more meaningful one.

I now have 14 weeks at home, grounded on bed, but I don't regret it one bit. And I'm looking forward to it to reconnect with life, its meaning and most importantly the people I care for.   Most of all I thank the Lord for His mercy and grace to show me the more important things in life.  I know I'll be a better mother now, than I would have ever been before.

Uncle Ronnie, Mom, Aunt Ruby and Savio
- Just a few of the regular visitors at the hospital

Cake for Baby & me :) Thanks hubby!

Birthday at the hospital

Audi India - The King in Consumer Marketing

We're living in a world where brands are finding it super tough to keep up with the demands of consumers and that speaks volumes of the high consumer driven age we're in. With consumers being smarter and extremely researched these days, brands are competing at every level to outsmart competition in not only reaching out to, but also providing prospect customers with the experience they are looking for.  Social media presence is no longer the buzz word; practically everybody who's anybody is on there! With Facebook and Twitter bursting out of its seems, advertisers fighting for elbow room and with more and more users accessing social media through apps, it really isn't worth betting all the bucks on.

The latest move most companies are going in for is the user experience.  We've lately seen Nokia do this with their Lumia, where radio campaigns shout that you can go pick up a Lumia and try it out for free for a couple of days and if you don't like it just return it or else purchase it.  Most pure tele-marketing brands have an all-year-round offer to try their products and return them for a full refund within a limited time if consumers are not fully satisfied with them.  For years together automobile and high-end electronic brands have given consumers a touch-feel to their products before making a purchase decision.  But today it seems every product is finally seeing value in enticing their customers by making them believe "we no longer sell; you buy".

The invite to the A4 F1 circuit experience

So, it's about time automobiles changed their approach and set a new benchmark. That's exactly what Audi's doing in India.  Audi set up  its own sales in India in 2007 as a division of Volkswagen Group and has sold between 10,000-12,000 units till date. The brand is known to have a niche customer base and also a very loyal one. So it's no surprise to see Audi go out of their way to please them with more than just service.  Right from VIP passes and invitations to some of the most elite events around the country Audi's customers get it all.  2012 being big for Audi India - with the global launches of their TT Coupe, A4 and Q3 and S4 all set for this year, needless to say, in a country where value for money sells better than premium, Audi has its money on the A4 and Q3 to hit the volumes, and has to find a way to get people to notice it and yet not have their loyalists discard the product for being entry-level.

Michael Perschke, Head Audi India
at the A4 launch

To launch its 8th generation A4 in a big way this month, Audi India hand-picked their chosen clientele and prospects from around the country and decided to blow their minds by creating the 'Audi Experience'!  What's the cover got to do with the book? Everything! These chosen flew were flown down to India's Formula one, Buddh International Circuit in Noida to have the experience of a lifetime.  With this product launch, Audi's gone where no one's gone so far. The entire experience included picking up the chosen one from their home in (of course) an Audi (some got the A6, some the Q7, some the Q5), and then training on circuit with Team Audi India's most promising racers on track driving and handling and finally the adrenaline pumping A4 experience on the track!  Audi also offered hot lap experiences of the R8 and RS5 while on the circuit. I was one among the chosen few and all I can say is this is one experience no one is forgetting soon. More importantly, there was no selling and yet Audi's sales team is now hands full pre-booking either this or the to-be-launched Q3 and S4, and no guesses who were the first to book. What's more is nothing does better than word-of-mouth selling when someone describes an out-of-the-world experience in a product that made it all possible. (see the complete album)

Audi A4 F1 experience at Buddh International Circuit

Of course, social media is key in linking up to promoting and publicizing such marketing. So the key really is in beautifully tying in all of a brand's marketing presence - print, radio and digital (and even the dying and not so relevant) television with everything that's the buzz around your product and see those sales hit the roof!  It doesn't get more real than this - Let's learn the new consumer experience from Audi!!

Being You!

Life's a funny journey. We all begin at pretty much the same origin, but our paths and destinations are carved from the various choices we make and the circumstances we face on the way.  Like a wise man once said...

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” 

― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Life is a journey. Enjoy each mile!

I guess the question then lies in, how many of us really know what we want and aren't afraid to either seek it or go after it? How may of us truly ever max our potential? What were you built for? What's your true calling? Have you given life all that it's given you?  I've often had these questions bother me in my moments of solitude; each time I'm traveling solo or lying down with my thoughts at the end of the day.  We're born in a cruel, cruel environment - one that demands we conform to our surroundings, become one among the army of soldiers already fighting life's battles.  Our time, fortunately, is a little more accepting of individuality but then this thing called 'a conscience', which is so subtly driven into our little selves before we even discover that individuality, kills us when we're even on the verge of swerving off to a new bend.

Thanks to the highly social nature of all that I do (media, corporate training, modeling, writing, anchoring, travel, adventure sports…..) I've met with and heard stories from numerous individuals from various age groups.  A vast majority of them believed there were different things they wanted to or could do but never had the chance.  My question is "when is your chance?" Do you just sit under a tree and hope to be as lucky as Newton? Does it mean you pull out a calculator and strike out the best calculated risks? Or is every moment, every opportunity your chance?

Growing up I wanted to be a fire fighter (don't ask me why), an astrophysicist, a geologist, a pilot, a model, a movie star, a stunt professional, a social reformer and the list is endless...  I'm sure we pretty much all have a costume carnival of professions we've thought of.  And yes, both circumstance and the choices I've made along the way have helped me achieve some of these dreams and disown a few others. I know I'm still on the route to achieving some more.  But here's what I want to focus on today:  The moment, the right chance, an opportunity - these are all around and waiting to be grabbed! All we need is to truly believe and truly want something; hard-work and determination are good, but can have you go around in circles without direction.  So simply put, imagine life to be a very important wheel. This wheel is only so useful if it's turning and if it's taking the vehicle (YOU) to all its destinations from the routes you need to follow. Some will be winding, some enticing, some long and some pleasurable.  So just like a hub & spoke model to a sturdy wheel; let your vision, your values and your ultimate prophecy or purpose be your hub around which the spokes of growth, energy, hard-work, passion & commitment, responsibility for choices and determination strongly radiate out of.

Remember: There's just one life and you live each moment only once - Life has no replays! So spin on (the wheel of life)!

The Rich Man's Food Dilemma

I've spent a lot of time studying, understanding and experimenting with food, and I don't mean gourmet but food that benefits health, vitality and life expectancy.  Here are some of the things I believed were what any individual can easily do to maintain healthy food habits:

1. 1. The thumb rule is to eat freshly prepared, home-cooked meals with balanced components that meet your daily recommended nutrition needs.  So, no packaged foods, no fast food, no synthetic or processed foods. Tough, but do-able; particularly if you can hire a cook or have a home-maker to take care of it for the family.
2. 2. Colourful meals.  Yup, but not with the help of food dyes and colorants! Adding the dark greens and reds to your meal (spinach, broccoli, radish, beet, berries, carrots) ensure you cover the various essential and much-needed vitamins and minerals into your meals without actually calculating. So, just checking if there's colour in the plate can be an easy way to good health! 
   
3. Cut out the saturated and trans-fats (artificial fats) from your diet completely. While a healthy balance of natural fats is essential to maintain a healthy body and prevent joint troubles, bowel disorders and colon-related complications, we can all do without any LDL (bad) Cholesterol. Fats from virgin oils of olive, coconut, fennel, flax and other seeds are good, while dairy fats should be reduced to skim and low-fat only.  Cow's ghee, however, is the only saturated fat that is not harmful and recommended in daily diets to about a tablespoon a day.  Fish oils too are very healthy and have anti-oxidation properties along with Omega-3.  
4. Fad-diets are more harmful than helpful.  So going on a no-carb, no-fat, no-grain or high-protein diet is only going to have short-term benefits as your intestines, kidneys and other organs work doubly hard to keep up to such diets and cry back in the long run.  So the answer is to balance carbs, proteins, fiber, and fat according to the body's metabolism and daily requirement.
   

Our Paper

A whole year has passed, an unbelievable twelve months that's only gotten better with time. This day last year we walked down the aisle and vowed to stand by each other through thick and through thin. A year later, we celebrate our Paper, first, anniversary and I can definitely say there were the thins and there were the thicks and  through it all I am even more confidence that I'm glad I institutionalized my love with you, my husband.


Three years of knowing you, three years of friendship, three years of crazy, movie-like romance and finally saying 'I do'. A year of knowing you even more and each day you turn dearer and new. Among my weakest moments and my failures you've stood right beside me and picked me up... I ask you today to forgive me my shortcomings and make me stronger in your love, just like you have this past year. May Paper turn to Silver, and Silver to Gold! May our tender affection grow and may we see each other turn old. There's nothing I feel we can't surpass after the biggest achievement we nailed. I look forward to the future because any journey with you for a companion can only be an adventure worth experiencing!


Happy Anniversary, Baby!

Break Ke Baad

Procrastination isn't a word I like, because it makes me feel incompetent, but that's what I've been doing with my blogging.  It's almost a year since my last post (Wow! A whole year has gone by. And that also means I'm a whole year older) and even with a plum for my right ring finger today after a mishap at the gym, I am determined to put an end to this impasse.

What's changed in 12 months - Let's see: my marital status (for beginners), a new home, a new life, different responsibilities and of course a whole list of other things that come with being 'MARRIED'.  So, I decided this is what I was going to blog about - My encounter with new life.

I've set sail on my new journey with Sagar Mali

I must start with saying that I never thought this would be me - All settled with a husband and a ring on my finger. I always imagined life to be just the same like it was - carefree and independent! Somehow sharing it with one other individual for the rest of my life didn't fit into that equation before.  And I never missed a thing with adventure, thrill, work, excitement, challenges and travel keeping me more company than I could handle. Everything seemed sorted out for me; why would I want to disturb the equilibrium? Until... Sagar happened to me.

When I look back and think about what made me alter the equilibrium, what clearly strikes me is never before having met another human being more caring, considerate and loving as this man.  But of course that wasn't the all-discerning reason, there was more. Here I was this  independent woman, completely unstoppable, who knew how to handle just about anything and had just about everything planned out for herself. Then came along a guy who's very nature is completely grounded and apart from the rest, with the highest self-confidence (damn, he beat me to it too!) and yet whose focus was selfless. The more I got to know him the lesser I realised I knew of me; the further away I tried to get from him the farther I got from my soul.  He caused both a confused mix of satisfying comfort and a disturbing uneasiness that made me feel incomplete for the first time in my life.  With the passion of a creator and the nurture of a gardener he planted seeds of the future in my life that were so deep-rooted, God alone could have been the mastermind.

It's no wonder then that the whole year that went by seems transcendental. And now that I've emerged on the other side of the marital fence; I can safely say marriage is not a phase or a planned progressive stage in anyone's life. It's only the most indigenous opportunity to begin a whole new life without being reborn!

This is not to say that my 'past' life was not good enough. I love both my lives; but that Janice lived to the fullest and died a 100 year old woman (in terms of fulfillment) and this Janice is only a new-born infant curious and eager to experience the new one.  I'M BACK!

From Stunt riders to buddies to friends

I've just made friends with a bunch of strangers who I've not got much in common with... It all started three weeks ago when I arrived on the set location of my shoot for another stunt-based reality show - Stunt Mania Reloaded for MTV. The show format is slightly different this time, where four squads of three boys each will compete with each other but each squad will be led by a female squad leader - a girl - who will take decisions and guide the squad helping them get to the top. Of course, none of the twelve boys who had auditioned for the show and made it to the squads were aware of this new twist. It was to be a complete surprise for them on the very first episode - a surprise that I wasn't sure whether or not they'd take pleasantly.

Chahatt, Ishita, Janice & Shaurya - Four squad leaders on MTV Stunt Mania Reloaded

So we were about to begin shooting for the first episode. Both, the boys as well as the squad leaders (me and three other girls - Chahatt, Ishita and Shaurya) were taken to the base camp or 'Stunt Academy' but very carefully and secretly so that the boys' surprise wasn't ruined. Once the boys were welcomed on the show and put into squads, it was time for the big surprise. In walked wearing Black, Red, Blue and Grey squad leader uniforms four sexy girls. The impression on the boy's faces was worth a Kodak moment. They were amazed, excited, trilled, surprised, puzzled - all at once. Alan Amin and Anouskha Manchanda, the hosts had each squad pick their own squad colours, but by picking a number. I had absolutely no clue who would pick the number that had grey - my colour; no clue what these boys were like - if we'd get along, if they were well skilled, if they were better than the others or even where they were from...

They had picked. At first glance, my three boys looked really young and like any average teenage boys. Not quite the stunt riders I had expected! I quickly got to know their names - Aditya, Nadeem and Shariq. I was then handed over the keys to our garage, the pulsars and our new homes! I kissed these keys when Alan sir handed them over to me because these were the keys to our life for the next month to come!! And this was also going to be the start of a new relationship, a new friendship; comradeship with a few and WAR with some. My boys and I picked our squad name - The SILVER PSYCHEDELICS

The Silver Psychedelics (MTV Stunt Mania Reloaded)

Sayed Nadeem (Bob) is a 19 year old kid from Bangalore whose passions are stunt riding and rapping. His top favorite rapper being 2Pac! Nadeem's an excellent off-roader and does the Seat Stander (better known as Christ) with such perfection!

Shariq Khan (Shark) is a big surprise in a tiny package! He's perhaps one of the best riders in Alan's academy this season. Shariq's control on the throttle and his excellent balance makes him a champion with wheelies, shoppies, no-handers, the human compass; but that's not it! Shariq's stunt riding is so awesome because he entertains while he performs making him perfect as a true stunt rider!

Aditya Singh Thakur (Eddy) is a local from Himachal Pradesh and has spent all his teenage life on bikes - he talks, eats, and sleeps bikes. No jokes! He's even got pictures of bike parts lying on his bedroom floor!! he's a huge fan of Chris Pfifer and believes he was meant to be a stunt rider because that's what he does best!

Stunt riders, competitors all gel like one big family

At the academy, days went by like the changing of seasons - expectedly but unpredictably. Every new day brought out new challenges that we faced together as a team. And after our skill and survival stunts were shot each day we all went back to being one big family at the base camp. We shared accessories, ate and drank together, hung out in each others' cottages and played games to entertain ourselves... even cried together sometimes. Of course there were also some not so pleasant relationships, for example BJ from Black Demons and his squad leader Chahatt never got along and would fight and abuse each other all day long! BJ and Ajay (also from the same squad) hated each other's guts. The Fire Dragons hated Bhullar but luckily for them he went out the first day itself.

It was interesting to see how the competition was only getting tougher day-by-day! As we went on episode by episode, the numbers thinned out and finally the day arrived when just two - the BEST of the best - were left! Now, the whole of India awaits to see who will be India's best STUNT MANIAC 2010!

A trip to the past

I woke up with the sun shining brightly in my face, I turned around and squinted through my eyes to look for the time. It was 6 o'clock in the morning! That's when I realised that I'm on the East coast of India - the side where the sun rises earlier and the days end sooner. Coming from the West coast, it's always been hard to imagine the sun rising in the sea, but it sure makes for a beautiful site if you catch it, that is.

So here I was in Calcutta (or Kolkata) - my first trip to West Bengal, and ready to take a train to the less famous or known, Durgapur. I had already had a taste of local rosogolas prepared by the all so friendly Maharaj who looked after the guest house I lodged at. My driver was early and suggested we take off so that he may have the pleasure to give me a mini tour of the city too. I agreed that it was a brilliant idea! We passed by the old Calcutta markets, the newer commercial area, the library and bible society, Dharmatala -the government administrative area and strand road. He showed me the Victoria monument, Science city, I saw the world-famous Calcutta tram too. And then we passed over Howrah bridge over the Hugli river to Howrah railway station. The entire tour which lasted under 2 hours was so colourful - yellow and green rickshaws, public buses in even more colours with fancy designs on their rear, the great Ambassador taxis in bright yellow. The station itself was unique - you could drive 'into' the station and pull up parallel along the platform since there was a road that ran all the way through the station in between platforms and went out the other side. So, inside you saw train engines, train compartments, coolies, passengers, shops, stalls, families, bikes, cars, hand carts and even bicycles. I thought it was an extremely convenient and smart concept; why hadn't Mumbai thought of it?

The journey to Durgapur is just around 2 hours on the Shatabdi. The trains here though aren't very exciting - with the Eastern railways still using the old coaches that perhaps ran in the early 80s. The atmosphere in Durgapur was entirely different - Durgapur could be in any state, any part of the country. It has no distinct Bengally characteristic to it. What I did notice is that this small town was rapidly developing. On one hand I saw houses built of mud and families rearing goats and hens while on the other I saw large manufacturing plants with their housing colonies spread across wide, open expanses of the town. Durgapur was also growing with educational institutes springing up at every bend, ranging from management colleges to hospitality and software.

I stayed at a nice guest house situated in a quiet and residential area on Sir Martin Luther King road. What I loved about the place is the density of trees and the unimaginable variety of birds that lived there. I heard the sweetest sounds of chirping and singing all day long while I explored the area. At times it would thunder and there would be light drizzles which made the air cool. It was always windy so the heat was never unbearable. The soil here made it perfect for gardening and most neighbouring houses had the prettiest flower gardens I had seen in a long time. When the afternoon came, things got quite still with not many people or vehicles moving around, so I'd sit in the veranda and stare into the trees, watching the birds dance from one branch to another. And that's when nostalgia suddenly sank in - this was my life when I grew up, this was my life in the house I was born, this was what my grandmother missed when our house was demolished and she was forced to live in an apartment for the first time of her life because some big realty brand had the power to buy the entire estate off... this was what brought her an early death.

I never did understand at that time what it must have done to her. Of course, we all missed and mourned having to give up our massive house with the most well manicured garden in the heart of Mulund in 1999, we all wondered what life would be like living in an apartment, we all were disappointed. But my grandmother, Irene, didn't let us know how difficult it was going to be for her; how she was a free bird who wasn't used to be caged. In the old days at the old house, every occasion was a feast; every birthday was a celebration; every guest in Mumbai was our guest. The apartment changed it all. Grandma Irene no longer cooked for 8-10 families on a feast day, she no longer baked her awesome rum cakes, and no longer watered her rose garden.

It took me a trip to Durgapur 11 years after our little Durgapur was taken away from us to relive the pain that lead to Irene Fernandes' slow death. How long with it take our generation to realise what we're doing to all the beautiful land and trees around us and for the future generations?

Celebrating womanhood!

Today's headlines: '14 years on, women's quota bill may get smooth passage'.

It's noteworthy that our country is taking some measure to ensure women get equal status and opportunity. What the reality is, is of course a different debate altogether.

With International Women's day being recognized as part of the 68 internationally celebrated commemorative days, and having been celebrated for over a century now it's disturbing why women in so many parts of the world still struggle to claim their social and economic rights. One may debate that the law is discriminative in may countries and regions, some may even say that we live in a patriarchal society and so things naturally trend towards women being superseded by the male. But then again it's the chicken and the egg story!

A very interesting statement in the sermon by the priest last evening, speaking on women's day, left me pondering:

We each are guilty for STILL patronizing patriarchy!

In a marriage, why does the man always have to be older than the woman, taller, earning more, be better or equally qualified? Why does the woman have to leave her home and family and start afresh, while the man's life stays pretty much the same? Why does the woman have to change her name and her identity? The list is endless...

My question to women out there:

Do you have it in you to do the opposite? Will you marry a younger guy and be the main bread winner of the family? Will you buy a house for your future husband? Will you marry a shorter and lesser qualified man?

My question to the men reading this:

Are you intimidated by women that are equally or more successful? Will you change your name after marriage? Will you be a stay-home father while your woman pursues her career?

As I write this piece today, a hymn from my school calendar book comes to mind:

"It takes courage to answer a call

it takes courage to give your all

It takes courage to risk your name

it takes courage to be true

It takes courage to dare what no other will share

To be standing alone, One who no one will own

To be ready to stake for another man's sake

It takes courage to be true."

Life after FEAR FACTOR, KHATRON KE KHILADI

So, it's finally over - the experience, the show, the after parties, the news headlines - All. The moments that changed mine and the 12 other commoners' lives forever have passed by in a flash, took us by storm and dropped us down with the same lightening speed down to reality. All that's left are the pictures and videos from the show and I keep going back to my website to relive the experience.

The second season of Khatron Ke Khiladi - Fear Factor and I'm on it!

But the dreams and nightmares never did stop. Sundeep Khatri, Roopali Ganguli's partner from Orissa called me one morning asking how I was and talked about how life was not really the same after Fear Factor. Everywhere he went he was recognised and treated differently too (in a good way, of course) and even though within his own self he'd never remember any of it, he was constantly reminded that he was not really the same regular boy he was before September 2009 in his city and in India. But that was not it, it was also the restless thirst, the want for more, the desire to get more attention and be known even more that haunted most of us. Gurmeet Singh, who went on to win the show along with his partner Anushka Manchanda, has quit his job and after been honoured by various clubs and foundations in the city he comes from in Punjab is now considering moving to Mumbai to get work in the industry. Goonj, Carol Gracious' partner, too is now planning to shift base to Mumbai.

I loved the thrill of adventure and beautiful Cape Town

What is it about Bollywood that attracts and draws people who get a taste of it to get deeper and deeper. It's like a drug that takes the better of you and you lose all consciousness in reasoning. I can't say that I haven't been smitten too. Perhaps the consequences for me a smaller, since I am from the sin city myself and so don't have to sacrifice much to give it a shot. But that doesn't mean that life hasn't taken a new turn in my life.

Fortunately for me I've had a great time so far and met some really nice people who've been mentors, friends and guides. I had an opportunity to meet Nisha Harale, well known model, actress and socialite, at a paintball match organized by Sony Pix in which we were opponents. Somehow we really clicked and today she's one of my most trusted friend and mentor. She's an inspiration not only to me, but many others just with the way she's sustained in the industry and works so hard, and yet has a very simple and respectful family life. Her parents and sister are so warm and of course husband Adam Bedi is also very entertaining. I hadn't imagined I'd actually like someone so quickly after meeting them so recently.

There are also many others who are in here only to make a quick buck and have traps set up for all the new, unaware aspirants who come looking to make it big in the biggest B - Bollywood. I've met many such. It's sad that so many fall prey to their excellent marketing pitches and will actually do anything to give it a shot, while these characters mercilessly drain you dry of every resource you have left.

In the end, my nightmares that I had during my one month in Cape Town shooting for Fear Factor still haunt me and I wonder if they'll ever stop. The show wasn't as fearful as the nightmares that haunted most of us every night... and still continue. I guess that's exactly what Bollywood is like. The good or bad times pass by easily and fast, but the nightmares linger on forever........

FEAR FACTOR - Getting There..

August 14, 2008 - Netra Raghuraman wins Fear Factor Khatron ke Khiladi.

I remember watching that episode - the expression of joy and accomplishment on Netra's face, and saying to myself 'Wow, I can hardly imagine what it would feel like to be in her place!' All my life I was the tomboy of my clan, 'One among the guys'. I don't think there's been a single day in my life without some adventure even if it was just jumping a wall on a shortcut to school.

February 24, 2009 - I'm driving back home from the gym. It's around 10:45pm and my favourite radio show 'City City Bang Bang' is playing on the stereo. I catch on to the RJs announcement "For all those of you who missed applying for the auditions to Fear Factor, Khatron Ke Khiladi - Level 2 here's your last chance... Enter the Jump the Queue contest and get a chance to go directly to the auditions in Mumbai"

My hands fumbled around for my cell phone while all my attention was focused on the sms number to send responses to. I already had the answer to the question in my head. All I had to do was hit SEND. Phew!!! Once I'd sent it I was happy and then forgot all about it the next morning.

Two days later an unknown number flashed on my phone and the lady on the other side of the line said she was calling regarding Khatron Ke Khiladi and that I won the Jump the Queue contest and a chance to go to the Mumbai auditions!!! It was 3 days later at Andheri Sports complex. My heart raced as my mind quickly started building dreams of being on the show. Actually meeting Akshay Kumar, who I'd been a huge fan of since 1990, gave me butterflies!!

March 1, 2009 - I arrived at the venue and fortunately for me there was a separated queue for the JTQ winners; unlike the 10,000 odd others who, by the way, had to send in their applications online which were later screened and only approved ones were called for auditioning. When I saw their never ending queue though, my hopes and dreams came crashing down to the ground and more so when I learnt that they were auditioning in 5 other cities too! The vast majority of applicants that surrounded me were struggling Bollywood aspirants with some 100 odd auditioning experiences and this was my FIRST! No way was there a chance for me among the 25,000 people they were seeing for the final 13 to be on the show.

My wait was around an hour, and then it was my turn - I walked into the room and was asked to wait in standby as the judges discussed the previous applicant. It was Netra herself and a very handsome, tall, well-built guy who I didn't recognize. The butterflies came flooding back into my stomach as I walked to my spot in front of the camera and the excitement was now back! I guess I was just myself again - I gave the audition my best and let them know just how I was perfect for the show with all my varied experiences. It was somewhere during the audition that I realised that I'd been in that room for much longer than most others and then I knew they liked me and I had only a few seconds to convince them that I was right, and so I calmed my nerves and went for it! When Arjun, the male judge (who I knew later was the director of the show), asked me to do a physical strength test to check if I really was as strong as they needed, that's when I knew I'd nail it; that's what I've always been the most proud of - my fitness and strength! When I was done Netra clapped and cheered and so did Arjun, he was pleased. I left with a smile and with higher hopes of making it through.

March 7, 2009 - It was holi and I was home (expecting the call). It finally came in around 4 in the evening - I was shortlisted for the 2nd audition which would decide who the final 13 all-India were. I can remember being speechless and even stammering, even wondering if it was a prank of sorts. This audition, they said, was a 3-day camp where we'd be checked by various tasks like driving, swimming, bike riding, etc. along with medical texts and fitness checks.

March 13-15, 2009 - 20 finalists met at Hotel Oritel in Andheri, Mumbai. They were from all over the country - 17 guys and 3 girls. 'This is going to be tough,' I told myself since we were already the top choices. In the 3 days that we spent getting through the various tests and tasks we also got to know each other and some even became good friends. But after all, we were there to be on the show and everyone knew this - no one lost focus. Most performed all the tasks well, except for a couple and now the anxiety was building to hear the results. Of course, we downed a few pints of beer at the end of the 3-day camp to ease our nerves, but the 17th was going to be our big day.

March 17, 2009 - After getting through the longest two days perhaps (after the wait for my SSC results), the call came in at around 5pm - I was going to CAPE TOWN in 11 days!!!!! I learned shortly that I was the only girl who got through too, doubling my excitement. The days until the 28th just flew past as each of us ran around buying clothes and preparing for our BIG TRIP to South Africa and AKSHAY KUMAR and (the guys of course couldn't stop dreaming about) the 13 haseenas :)

My story in short - Upar waala jab bhi detha hai, Chappar phar kar detha hai!!!

March 28, 2009 - 13 super-rocking stars (Ali, Alok, Arjun, Fahad, Goonj, Gurmeet, Jatin, Prashant, Sandeep, Sandhan, Sundeep, Swapnesh and JANICE) leave to Cape Town along with the 13 haseenas and THE KHILADI himself! The rest is history.

Watch the episodes online on desiforum.com