Shoot me - I'm single!

In a city where the average person spends more than 18 hours a day working (either at the office, or home) it's increasingly obvious why more and more people today are single. Most don't find the time to date, those that do can't balance it, and those that can juggle all of it, often can't find the confidence to commit to married life yet. Quite understandable. However, there's also the other side, where those who aren't troubled from either of these situations but 'choose' to be single either for a definite or indefinite period of time. Now, this may be something that the average Indian does not understand.

A close girlfriend of mine, who's currently 34, happily single and has a healthy dating and social life too shared with me a horrifying experience she had at a family function recently. She was there with her family and some friends of the family (all of who were married and with kids). While the topic of discussion turned from movies to shopping to vacations, it finally (as always) ended up at "so when are you tying the knot?" She couldn't believe that all these people who've asked her this very same question in other forums needed her response yet again. And like always, she wasn't going to lose her cool nor ignore the question. But she did understand one thing - while she was quite content with her life and decision, people around her would never want her to be. "It's perhaps envy for my freedom, inability to comprehend how I can be content, curiosity... I don't know what! But, their words are like venom when they're out to get you"

I'm not sure if she's right. Experiences like this and those of my own convince me that there truly is no place for the single woman in Indian society. Even those who claim to be modern in their thinking or from the so-called forward thinking strata have their awkwardness when it comes to the independent woman. Even as the nation fights for Rights for Women and Women’s liberation there will be enemies of women if they aren’t traditionally simple and predictable. And more often than not – A woman is a woman’s worst enemy!

Picture this situation: A couple is out on an evening, they decide to stop by at a bar for a drink. At that very bar is sitting a pretty young lady just making conversation with the bar tender having a glass of wine. While she’s at it, she glances around the room - to look for familiar faces; waiting for someone, enjoying the crowd – who knows. The guy in the couple checks her out and wonders “hmm... I wonder what she’s doing here all by herself. Maybe waiting for someone, maybe a regular, maybe stood up, maybe a hooker.” The girl in the couple catches his eye, notices the girl at the bar and thinks, “Slut! Only a slut would be here all by herself!” Now all energy for the evening is spent in ensuring that ‘the slut’ doesn’t get any attention from her guy. She may even pass an appalling remark to voice her opinion on the ‘single woman at the bar’.

This isn’t pure fiction. I completely relate to this situation. Here’s what happened to me – this will be shocking for many to read; but it’s true. My car, parked in its usual spot outside my building, is covered with red-oxide paint drops one day and after inspecting I learn that the shop keeper (who has his shop there since three years now) has recently fitted a grill and had it painted. So I go over and ask him why he didn’t ask me to move the car if he knew it was going to be covered with the paint. The shop keeper was really rude and unconcerned about my problem and just casually brushed away my complaint and headed back inside his shop to continue his business. After I got mad a few people from the street gathered around (like they always do in our brotherhood country). After hearing and seeing my problem the crowd decided the shop keeper ought to clean the spots out for me. Thinking this was the end of it, I went back home hoping to see a clean car in the evening. Later that evening, I’m at my window in my ground floor apartment and a lady comes over the window and curses me saying I have no right to yell at her man and that I have been abusive because anything that comes out from the mouth of a woman like me is a curse, and that she would smash my car window. That’s when it occurred to me that she was the shop keeper’s wife! I asked her what the issue was and when the whole problem began with the paint falling on my car how was it my fault?? The lady, with no connection whatsoever, retorted to the fact that I had no right to talk to anyone because of my so called ‘reputation’. I was shocked! What reputation was she talking about? By then I could see people sticking their heads out of their windows from neighbouring apartments and even people around the building gathering from afar to listen. I couldn’t just stay quite about this, so I stepped out. In the mean while, the woman keep shouting, calling me names vaishya, kutti, dhanda wali. I couldn’t believe my ears and suddenly my world started spinning. Fortunately my neighbour joined me when she heard the fight and we confronted the lady asking her what gave her the right to opine such things about me, more over when the issue was completely unrelated. What she said next perhaps changed the way I openly trusted people around me. Apparently, there is no room for a girl who lives singly in society. Every time I had gone out at night partying or for a movie and stepped out in my party casuals into my car or had a friend pick me up I was supposedly ‘going for dhanda’. Every time I stayed over at my Grandpa’s or cousin’s or friend’s and returned home in the morning (in the same outfit) indicated that I had a successful night and conned some rich man. Being the tomboy that I am, because I hang with ‘the guys’ proved the fact that I was a slut! And all these fantasies built up in the minds of these low people because everyone observes the single woman! This woman who apparently is a school teacher had to be right (according to her husband who justified that his wife was entitled to say what she was saying when my friendly neighbour objected). Crowds standing by of course said nothing but enjoyed the fun of what was turning into a cat fight.

I’m not sure if I’m going to let what people think change my life, but I will say that I no longer am comfortable in anything I do because I am now aware of every eye on my back.

Happy Independence to the single Indian woman! (whenever the day comes)

My list of Do's and Don'ts

Just finished installing my brand new DVD player - the super cool Philips player that plays everything from DivX, MP4s, and even has a USB drive that allows you to 'plug in' your MP3 players, even the iPod! Radical! :)

Have you ever picked up a gadget that's so cool, so exciting that you can't wait to turn in on!? Well, I'm sure you've been there. But, before you do that there's always the user manual or instruction guide you should read (the most boring part of your new purchase and almost your enemy at that time - preventing you from getting straight to your brand new friend). Although we know what's best for us and our new gizmo, so read it we do. I too, like you, have gone through a number of manuals and user guides in my two and half odd decade life span. Some, I must say, have educated me while others have been so long and boring... they've put me to sleep! Over time, I devised a way to 'breeze through' manuals without falling asleep and yet not missing out on the essentials - Skip to the DOs and DON'Ts list. That's all you really need to know on what to and what not to do! Then of course if you're stuck, for example, with a certain new function, you can always check the index and skip right to the page.

DOs and DON'Ts just make life so much simpler; it's like skipping the songs in a 4-hour movie and just getting down to the juice of the story. I got so used to DOs and DON'Ts lists with time, everything I planned or did started being mentally guided by my own DOs and DON'Ts. Of course experience makes you edit them but it stays and builds up over time. I always thought I'd publish my list some day and imagined people referring to it like a bible. There's no harm in hoping, is there? :-)  But thank God for blogs!! I thought why not put it up on my blog - it's for people to read and have fun, and if there's something in there that's useful to someone, well, I can have a moment! So here's Janice Pearl's list of DOs & DON'Ts:

DOs

1. Leave spare keys to your house and car in another person's safe custody, for a 'lock out' moment
2. Ensure your insurance policies are current and valid
3. Work out or jog or cycle or dance - keep yourself physically active. If you miss out or take a break, getting back today is better than getting back next week (in retrospect). If you don't, STARTING TODAY isn't a bad idea
4. Spend time doing nothing at least once a fortnight (alone or with close ones)
5. Get out into nature (no technology, no car, no preserved food, no plastic) at least once in 6 months. If you've never done it before go with a group of eco-traveling experts
6. Eat everything you like in moderate proportions
7. Keep your finger and toe nails clean
8. Aim to unfold a lie/secret you've kept from your family/loved one at Christmas/Diwali (or any festival you celebrate together as a family). That way you'll have a lighter conscience as the years go by
9. Learn to cook, do the laundry, pay bills and manage finances for the household independently no matter how unnecessary you feel it is - you never know what emergency situation you may be in
10. Volunteer your services, even if for just a day, at an oldage home or orphanage - it'll remind you of how blessed you are and give you a sneak peak of what could have been
11. Aim to learn a new skill every year as part of your new year's resolution
12. Pray
13. ALWAYS wear good/clean underwear, you never know when you have that 'pant splitting' moment

DON'Ts

1. Don't pay interest on your credit cards if you can avoid it. You own every bit of the money you earn
2. Don't take your family and loved ones for granted. There's not much you can say to them once they're no longer with you or vice versa
3. Do NOT be cruel to animals; nature has its way of balancing things out
4. Don't neglect your teeth! Good oral and dental hygiene will keep you thanking your efforts for many decades in the future
5. Don't give in to anger and frustration easily. Fight with yourself to reason out situations. Say to yourself "why would a rational, decent human being behave this way?"
6. Don't delay repayment of debt; it's like a whirlpool that only takes your deeper and deeper from the surface
7. Don't be too egoistic about reconciling with old friends that you've had a fall-out with. After all you wouldn't be so hurt if they didn't matter
8. Don't neglect your elbow, neck, knees and ankles in your skin care regimes: they're the first to give you away
9. Don't forget to thank your professors and teachers, and all those who made a difference in your life; it may be for a year but you'll be talking about them long until your memory allows you to
10. Don't pop pills and pain killers for every illness and ache; nature is the best healer and if you let your body take charge you'll see it'll treat you better in future too
11. Don't be disheartened by people's discouraging. If you have it in you and truly want something - just do what you believe. People always have different opinions and besides if you didn't have your own opinion what would make you different?
12. Don't allow 'the way things work here' statement to prevent you from working your influence to change others. There is always hope. The moment you give up is when all hope is lost
13. Ultimately, don't litter, don't waste, don't add pollution. SAVE THE PLANET, OUR HOME!